Burn it all from me.

You know me — the very thought terrifies and amazes me. Your Holy fire must desire to burn me — burn every blemish from me. Nothing of me would be left. But mustn’t that be the point? The only purity in me is You, and to be more You and less me is it. So burn everything from me. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Aren’t those the words? The ones David says? Renew a right spirit…

You see me — in every moment. As I read, work, drive, sleep, write, interact… As I read the same verse of Your Word 37 times before I actually understand just a fraction of what I’m reading because I’m so distracted…As I work half heartedly and frustratedly, not working with glorifying You in mind…As I drive weeping and screaming because it all hurts too much…As I sleep and forget about the world and the fight and avoid the things that need to be faced…As I write… or should I say not write?…As I interact with fear and anxiety, with wantonness and unprovoked intensity…

You’ve seen every moment of my life, and you’ve heard every thought. Sometimes I think nice things, Jesus, sometimes my heart has love in it, but Jesus, those nice things — that love — those things are You. The crap is me — the hiding is me. The fear and anxiety, the ungratefulness and bitterness — those are me.

But You want me. Why Lord?

For what I did, I repented,

And for what I do, I repent again, and again.

This past is forgiven.

Today I do not fight alone.

You still want me.

I’m broken,

I run from You

I hide from You

and still,

You want me.

I love other things more than I love You

but still You love me

and still You want me.

I choose other things

and people

before I choose You

and still,

You want me

and still,

You love me

and still,

You want me

to follow You wherever You go.

Jesus I want

to follow You wherever You go

I don’t want to chase the wind

or this world.

I don’t want to turn to the right

or to the left.

I want to enter through the narrow gate,

and walk the narrow path.

I want my heart to be like Your heart…

 

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